You’ve been asked to speak at a funeral – to give the eulogy. You have said yes. You have read the book on how to write a eulogy, you have written an outline, you have talked with family and friends, and now you are almost ready to put it all together and deliver your eulogy for this very important person in your life.

And you are still nervous. To quell your nerves before you start you had better check over this checklist and make sure that you haven’t or won’t make any of these very common mistakes:

Number 1

Don’t give wrong factual details in the eulogy. If you are giving details, double check the dates, the people involved, the correct names and their pronunciation. If you are not sure of a detail tell the story without specifying the detail. For example: “In his youth, he and his buddies would regularly hang out at the local pool hall. It was there that he met his first boss who was to play such a big role in the rest of his life.” It is still a good sentence and you didn’t have to know at what age (Aunt Gina says he was 17 but Uncle Walt says he was 12); you didn’t need to know which buddies or worry about leaving someone out. What was that pool hall name? If anyone remembers and cares they will bring it up to you at the reception and it will give them something to say. The name of the boss. Probably you are going to mention that name in the next sentence. Make sure you have the name correctly for this significant person in your loved one’s life and make sure that you pronounce it correctly. If it is someone that you have never met and you are hearing the name for the first time and it isn’t one that you are familiar with practice saying it over and over again in front of someone who knows the correct pronunciation.

Number 2

If there are contradictory details of a story and yet you really want to tell it, you could include both reports. You don’t have to make it a competition about who is right and who is wrong. Instead merely mention that there are differing versions of the events of that night. “Some say he took one look at the young woman who was singing with the band and fell in love then and there. Other reports say that he barely noticed her presence and wouldn’t lose his heart until he met her again the following summer. Either way we know that when the two of them finally did hook up they made beautiful music together and this large family assembled here today in honor of our father is proof of that music.”

Number 3

Don’t lose your copy of the eulogy. How to speak at a funeral is often how to read at a funeral. Don’t have just have one copy of your eulogy. Have a second copy of the eulogy and give it to your most organized friend or relative to take to the funeral with them. That way if you forget your copy, lose a page, spill coffee on it so that you can’t read it you will have an extra copy. Also if you get run over by a bus on the street in front of the funeral hall your organized friend has a copy that can be read by a fill in.

Number 4

Don’t calm your nerves with alcohol or other medications before delivering the eulogy.

Number 5

Don’t apologize for your talk. The first rule of how to speak at a funeral is to be confident and proud to share your memories with friends and family. Stand tall. Speak in a strong and confident voice.

It is important when writing an obituary to be very careful about the accuracy of the information. Dates, names of relatives and details of the service should all be checked and double checked. If you are at all unsure, get help from other friends or relatives.

Here are a few tips to help get you started:

• Understand the format. You may need to make a call to your local newspaper and find out about the particular format they request. Some offer free listings and some have a fee with a price range depending on the amount of space needed.

• Be aware of identity theft. When you publish obituary information, you are informing people who may wish to take advantage of the situation. Making sure bank accounts and credit card accounts are closed ahead of the notice being published will protect against identity theft. (You will also want to be sure someone stays in the home during the service since you essentially are advertising when and for how long the house will be empty otherwise).

• Strike a balance between life and death.  Make your work not only a basic notice of the death, but also a compelling story of a life lived. Include a brief bio that does justice to your loved one.

• Speak in the third person.  Describe the deceased as an individual, in the third person, and do not start with “the family announces . . .” The obituary is not about the family, but rather the person who has passed.

• Who to include.  Think about how many generations you want to go back, and be careful about not just naming the ones that the deceased personally knew and forgetting the others. This can get especially tricky if there were step-families or half-siblings, but it is important to include information that is balanced and thorough.
   
• Give examples.  Show characteristics rather than just listing facts. This is an opportunity to tell a great story about how you loved on lived.
   
• Consider writing a long version. You may want to write a longer version for a family history record that includes the details that won’t fit in the newspaper.

In the eulogy include:

• A life history of the person who has died, hitting the high points of accomplishments
• Details about their relationships with family and friends
• Mention of passions and interests, including careers and hobbies.
• Your favorite memories of the deceased
• Any favorite poems, songs, quotes or scripture, (a nice way to end the speech too).

1. Remember that the eulogy is about a person you love.
   Writing and delivering a eulogy is truly an honor. You are remembering the grace, humor, humility, and accomplishments of your loved one and sharing it with the other people in their life. Your words help others think of the great memories they have as well.
2. Insert your own memories.

Think about the deceased and the relationship you had with them. What did you go together? What is particularly humorous or touching? What you will miss the most?

1. Insert the memories of others.
   Talk to the people the deceased knew and ask how they touched their lives. Include these personal stories and show how much your loved one meant to the many people they spent time with over the years
2. Don’t be afraid to keep it short.
   It is better to hit on the most important memories and essence of who your loved one was, than have a long in-depth eulogy. However, if you are comfortable speaking and the situation merits it, you can elaborate a bit. Just be conscious of your audience and the schedule for the day.
3. Emotion is good.
   Unlike other speeches, when you give a eulogy it is OK to cry. Don’t be afraid to show emotion if it comes to you, just be prepared with water at the podium, a tissue and a person designated ahead of time to take over, should you be unable to continue.

The most touching and meaningful eulogies are written from the heart, and should be an emotional experience. A eulogy does not have to be perfect, and should cause emotions to rise to the top. Remember, whatever you write and deliver will be appreciated by the people in attendance.   

1. The Funeral Home
   One of the first calls to be made to is to a funeral home. If the deceased is in a hospital (or other kind of care setting), the facility’s staff will make these calls for you, although you will need to decide which mortuary service you would like to use. The staff at the funeral home will then take the lead and work with you and the other with family members to orchestrate the details of the care of the body, the service, and burial.
    
2. Clergy
   After the funeral home has been contacted; you will usually need to call a member of the clergy (if the deceased has an affiliation). A pastor or minister will usually conduct the religious service; however, funeral homes often have a staff member who can lead a service if a religious service is not a good fit. This person can also handle arranging speakers to do a eulogy, (read more about writing a eulogy)
    
3. Determine Budget
   The cost of funeral arrangements can be staggering, and cost of burial can be an indelicate discussion. However, funeral homes generally provide a variety of services and product options to try to meet most budgets. However, a traditional funeral at minimum costs about $6,000, (funds are often available for a “pauper funeral” when necessary).

   Clergy will often not charge a set amount for their services, but an honorarium is customary for clergy, musicians and other professionals whose services may be engaged. This is something that most funeral homes will include as part of funeral home charges and make these payments for you. Just be sure to ask to avoid any uncomfortable situations.
    

4. Informing friends and family

Many people will find out about a death of a friend of family member through word-of-mouth, but don’t assume everyone will just get the message. Be sure to personally call (or have a close family member call) those who should be told of the death immediately. Have an obituary placed in the local newspaper, and any paper that may hold significance for the deceased (former hometowns, etc.) Include the details of the service and where donations should be directed, (Read more about writing an obituary).

Once these initial details are handled, it is time to take a moment to grieve and work through the emotion of your loss. You may want to seek out the comfort of family, or clergy yourself. The next few days and week will be trying, so don’t hesitate to seek help.

Please give Two More Hands a call at (704) 804-1761 to assist you during this difficult time and to celebrate the life of your loved one in a way that is least stressful for you.

It’s called a “funeral concierge” and Two More Hands is providing it in Charlotte North Carolina. 

We assist the family by working with your funeral director to ensure a smooth day.

For more information, please contact us today!

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Putting your financial estate in order through solid estate and asset planning is essential for your family, and will avoid the necessity of sorting through probate issues upon your death. At Matre Law Firm., they will thoroughly review your asset protection goals and create an estate plan based on your needs.

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• Simple wills and trusts
• Charitable trusts and foundations
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Customary information includes:

1. Full legal name of the deceased (nickname may be included in parenthesis)
2. City or town of residence
   1. To avoid having the residence robbed while the family is attending the calling hours and funeral, specific information about the residence of the deceased and relatives should never be published.
3. Relative list including:
   1. Predeceased list (relatives who have died)
   2. Survived by list (relatives that are still alive)
      1. Parents
      2. Sons
      3. Daughters
      4. Grandchildren
      5. Great Grandchildren
      6. Sisters
      7. Brothers
4. Work history
5. Place and time of the funeral and any calling hours
6. Place of burial
7. Optional information could include:
   1. Special interests such as hobbies
   2. Associations (such as membership in local or national organizations.
   3. Special Affiliations (such as volunteer work for the A.S.P.C.A., etc.)
   4. Military service

Obituaries can be written at the time of death or before. Many people find it helpful to write their own obituary notice in advance for the following reasons:

1. The surviving family members might not remember, or may struggle to remember, specific dates (birth, employment, retirement, previous deaths).
2. They might not know proper spellings of people’s names, places, companies or organizations.
3. They might not know all of the deceased’s memberships to volunteer organizations and community clubs.
4. The self-written obit could specify a favorite charity for donations that the surviving family wouldn’t have thought of.

Two More Hands offers funeral concierge services to assist you in handling all the tasks necessary to plan the celebration of loved one’s life. Here is a list of commonly requested services and ways that we can help you through this difficult time:

Hotel Arrangements
Programs
Transportation
Clothing Selection
Handle personal account closings
Organization
Logistics
Housekeping
Errand Running
Meal Preparation/Delivery

Please give us a call at (704) 804-1761 to discuss your specific needs and how Two More Hands can be of service during this trying time.

Many people are unclear about what a personal assistant offers when servicing a family during a funeral.  We are here to assist in a time of need by supporting the family, friends and mourners through the events of the day and assisting after the event by providing services to ensure a stress free day.

Every aspect of the process should be undertaken to relieve their burden, as the death of a family member or friend is very distressing.  We will assist the client from start to the finish with a personalized menu of services. 

Why Two More Hands?

In order to relieve some of the burden, there needs to be a coordinator, someone who could be their voice, their decision maker, their personal assistant. Other than the funeral director and family members, there usually is no one else. This is why having a personal assistant to help with the families is truly necessary.

Two More Hands team of professionals are able to reach out to families and be a comforting support system during this time and assist them through all home going arrangements and so much more.

We have a strong work ethic, displaying self-discipline and prove to have ability to multi-task under pressure.  We simply take care of the details, and by offering specific services, help the families cope better.