You’ve been asked to speak at a funeral – to give the eulogy. You have said yes. You have read the book on how to write a eulogy, you have written an outline, you have talked with family and friends, and now you are almost ready to put it all together and deliver your eulogy for this very important person in your life.

And you are still nervous. To quell your nerves before you start you had better check over this checklist and make sure that you haven’t or won’t make any of these very common mistakes:

Number 1

Don’t give wrong factual details in the eulogy. If you are giving details, double check the dates, the people involved, the correct names and their pronunciation. If you are not sure of a detail tell the story without specifying the detail. For example: “In his youth, he and his buddies would regularly hang out at the local pool hall. It was there that he met his first boss who was to play such a big role in the rest of his life.” It is still a good sentence and you didn’t have to know at what age (Aunt Gina says he was 17 but Uncle Walt says he was 12); you didn’t need to know which buddies or worry about leaving someone out. What was that pool hall name? If anyone remembers and cares they will bring it up to you at the reception and it will give them something to say. The name of the boss. Probably you are going to mention that name in the next sentence. Make sure you have the name correctly for this significant person in your loved one’s life and make sure that you pronounce it correctly. If it is someone that you have never met and you are hearing the name for the first time and it isn’t one that you are familiar with practice saying it over and over again in front of someone who knows the correct pronunciation.

Number 2

If there are contradictory details of a story and yet you really want to tell it, you could include both reports. You don’t have to make it a competition about who is right and who is wrong. Instead merely mention that there are differing versions of the events of that night. “Some say he took one look at the young woman who was singing with the band and fell in love then and there. Other reports say that he barely noticed her presence and wouldn’t lose his heart until he met her again the following summer. Either way we know that when the two of them finally did hook up they made beautiful music together and this large family assembled here today in honor of our father is proof of that music.”

Number 3

Don’t lose your copy of the eulogy. How to speak at a funeral is often how to read at a funeral. Don’t have just have one copy of your eulogy. Have a second copy of the eulogy and give it to your most organized friend or relative to take to the funeral with them. That way if you forget your copy, lose a page, spill coffee on it so that you can’t read it you will have an extra copy. Also if you get run over by a bus on the street in front of the funeral hall your organized friend has a copy that can be read by a fill in.

Number 4

Don’t calm your nerves with alcohol or other medications before delivering the eulogy.

Number 5

Don’t apologize for your talk. The first rule of how to speak at a funeral is to be confident and proud to share your memories with friends and family. Stand tall. Speak in a strong and confident voice.

Laurie Mueller, RTC, ID, AED, MEd is a counselor, life coach and adult educator. She has operated her own private practice for 28 years. Laurie has written “The Ultimate Guide on How to Write a Eulogy” “The Ultimate Guide on How to Write an Obituary” and “The Ultimate Guide on What To Do When Someone You Love Dies”. You can read more on her website: http://www.easyfuneralspeeches.com

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